Hey Bob Chapek, you’ve been booted from a company that you worked at for decades, with a rumored kiss-off well-north of 20 million. It all came down early one Sunday morning as you were on the way out the door to Chavez Ravine, where you would have found out your name was off Elton’s Dodger Stadium guest list. What are you going to do next?
Well you aren’t going to Disneyland, that’s for sure.
As we nibble on a warm cream cheese glazed-almond Danish and sip a cup o’Peets coffee together this morning, we’ll share with you today some of the distinctive noodling’s from what appears to be a recently found left behind legal pad from Bob Chapek’s Disney Burbank office, found after he had taken his things out.
We Dodged a Bullet
These notes/doodles offer a glimpse into the mind of what Disney’s former CEO had been quietly working on at the much-beleaguered Walt Disney Co.
WARNING, If Bob’s total lack of knowledge about the Disney Company mission/product shown here can upset you, then it may be a good idea to skip the information offered below. This escape link, or this one, will provide you with immediate relief. Please understand we are not responsible for any negative thoughts or feelings that may be provoked here.
These thoughts and ramblings were actually found on Bob Chapek’s legal pad:
- Two words: DUMBO TRON.
- Why is our corporate logo so detailed? Those fractions of ink saved on a much-simplified typeface add up you know…
- We need to invigorate our soon-to-be PD [public domain] products so
our profits will go up, despite royalties being eliminated.
- More Princesses NOW, dammit. [Why does marketing hate the word “Plethora” so much?]
- We must begin on an adult-skewed character product line, as the mouse will undergo several life-changing things. His girlfriend [can’t remember her name… Clarabell, Jessica, Minnie?] will soon end up living in a homeless shelter, having unwanted babies, then we establish her decline in a story arc [that will become a Disney+ exclusive].
- How can you BOO someone you don’t know?
- I so miss Paul Pressler, he was like a son to me. I think I was a good daddy to him.
- Who the hell canceled production of the Pooh panties line?
- Target Deal: Convert WDW Star Wars hotel into shopping arcades. Increase admission.
- We need to make our pay seem more competitive, even though every raise will be keyed to even more layoffs.
- It’s good to be the king.
- Harry Potter; who cares? Every penny we avoided paying to Rowling lines our pockets.
- Another Disney+ exclusive: The Duck’s anger-management problems run in the family. Nephews and Nieces Huey, Dewey, Lewy, April, May and June are a dysfunctional “Duck Dynasty,” with Daisy as a trailer park princess.
- Why do I always feel as if the whole world is Statler & Waldorf?
Well… That’s All Folks
Thanks for spending some time with us this April 1st. The items above may not have been real, but the threat to Disney from Bob Chapek certainly was. Please join in the fun. What sorts of plans do you think Bob was making before he got the axe?
Now, where did I leave that cup of coffee and the delicious almond Danish?
