Many people wonder what a producer’s role is. Well, other than throwing a lot of money in the pot, it’s a little unclear. However, one thing they all seem to love doing is looking at the nearly-finished product to provide feedback on how to make it “better.” Such “notes” are the bane of writers’, actors’, and directors’ existences. Following are some producer notes we can all be glad the people at Disney ignored.
Scrapped Disney Producer Notes
- Seven dwarves? Wouldn’t five be cheaper?
- I can’t understand the duck.
- The teapot is too chubby. Give her some curves. Think Tinkerbell with a handle.
- Quit building attractions where “Suddenly everything goes horribly wrong.”
- Ursula’s eels are too snake-like. 86 ‘em.
- There is no such word as supercalifragiwhatever. Cut it.
- She’s doing what to the Dalmatians? Can you spell ASPCA??!!
- I don’t know; “Mortimer” has kind of a ring to it.
- People don’t go to Disneyland hotels to visit a tiki bar.
- The crab’s voice isn’t quite right. Can you make him sound more like Jar Jar Binks? Everyone loves Jar Jar.
- Looks like the lion movie is based on Macbeth. Rewrite based on something more light-hearted – Vacation, Caddyshack, anything by Chevy.
- You misspelled Duck Tails.
- No one will want to go to an amusement park.
- Bambi’s mother dies? What’s wrong with you? Every group you can think of will be out to get us. Instead, have his father ram the hunter just as he’s about to shoot. The hunter runs off (without the gun) and mom and dad come together with little Bambi between them. Might be a good place for a song – something schmaltzy. In fact, why isn’t the whole thing a musical? Do this!!!
- Humans kissing frogs? Too many things wrong with this for me to go into now.
- You’ve got technical troubles with the characters in the Haunted House. I can see through them.
- Ol’ Yeller can’t die, see notes on Bambi.
- The one thing DCA needs is more stores and restaurants. (oh… wait… that one happened)
- Why would anybody care about a mouse?
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Let’s Hear From You
Hopefully these made you laugh a little, or at least forcefully exhale through your nostrils. Do you have any other scrapped producer’s notes about Disney’s finished products? I’d love to hear what you come up with in the comments below!